haiku:                                 [title:    the wound]

tethered me tighter
sudden windstorm; leaves clinging
diagnosing strength

a response haiku to Patti Digh's post: 

https://open.substack.com/pub/pattidigh/p/you-suffer-for-as-long-as-you-decide

How do they do it?

 This will be a 'connect the dots' post -- 

I have had a shop on Etsy for going on six years now, approximately 600 sales, many five-star reviews from happy customers. 

Over the past two days I received both five-star reviews and TWO negative reviews.  Not what I ever want to see.

This week I received a rather rude (my opinion) three-star review from a customer who had advance photos of exactly which flowers she was to receive, and she approved that selection prior to my shipping the order.  Included in the order were over 15 different types of flowers.  The negative review included a photo of ONE kind and color of those flowers, saying they just weren't "pretty".  Ironically, the very flowers she disliked are among my favorites.  She doesn't have to like them, but had the opportunity to exchange them, and certainly had ample enough alternates to work with.
Disappointing.

But the other ONE-star review was from a repeat customer!  My heart sank and it felt like a big rock filled my lungs.  Ouch!  The wording of this review was much kinder.  The product arrived in poor condition -- was not packed with my usual care.   I reached out, offered replacement or refund, came to an agreement, and the review was edited, the rating was altered to a three-star review (fair enough) and a very kind additional comment was added.
This I can live with.  Fair. 

I can also guarantee it will be a long time, if ever, that I put a future order in the mail without a double/triple check! 

Several hours later I am still feeling deflated, defeated, down on myself.

I titled this post, "How do they do it?" because two groups of 'they' have been on my mind.   The first group would be politicians, who must feel rankled by unfair commentary and outright insults (not to mention lies) that are tossed in their direction frequently.  Especially in our current political environment.  

The second 'they' that occurred to me is middle- and high-school educators.  I tried teaching middle school (and subbed in high schools) and there were many days where I came home with a similar sickening feeling in my body, feelings coming from the 'failures' I felt at my ineptness at having what it takes to endure teaching middle-schoolers.  My heart and intentions were in the right place, my training strong, my ideas rampant, but oh, my it takes a lot to survive a day as an involved middle-school educator 'teaching' 7 class periods a day.  

A dear prior colleague of mine, Gary Carkin, was known to cheer us from the sidelines, often signing his emails, "Onward, Ho!" 

So, Onward Ho! I shall go, striving for more merited five-star reviews.

And please may it be true that I never see another one-star review with my name on it!

ear pop, memory surge (Aunt Dee)

 Early this morning I awoke from an unpleasant dream and with an "I don't feel so well" prolonged sense of vertigo movement (even though I was laying still).

By now I know this means I won't be able to close my eyes again (the vertigo intensifies when I do) and that I should arise s-l-o-w-l-y, drink two glasses of water, and then sit somewhere until the feeling subsides (sipping more water).

I did this, sat in the living room with a light on, trying to stay awake, unable to close my eyes for more than a few seconds, for an hour or so.

Then I stood and tried doing a few of the vestibular PT exercises I know.  The fullness in my left ear was intense, and the tinnitus increasingly obnoxious.

One of the exercises is to stretch my mouth (chin level with the floor, dropping my jaw as if I were yawning widely, holding it for a few seconds, then slowly closing again).  This usually results in a bone 'pop' on one or both sides of my jaw the first few times, and sometimes this 'popping' sound diminishes or stops as I repeat the exercise.

Well, today there was a louder than usual pop, and a secondary 'pop sensation' (as if a big bubble had popped) in my left ear, and then the 'sound'/feeling as if I were deep underwater, hearing that underwater hum.

This was accompanied by an immediate smell sensation -- and I rocketed back sixty-some years to my childhood self, putting on one of those nasty-smelling tight-fitting swim caps I was forced to wear to cover my hair in swim class, and the vision of my dear Aunt Dee (not my real blood-relative aunt, but very dear to me) at the side of the pool where I took swimming lessons!

I could smell that cap, smell the chlorine of the pool, see the lane markings in the bottom of the pool, see and 'hear' Aunt Dee, remember the fear/terror of wondering if I'd reach the surface of the water in time to breathe -- a very rich and STRONG memory (one I don't think I've consciously visited in over 30 years!). . . and all of that, instantaneously, when that fullness in my ear popped.

Wild!

Could it possibly have any relationship to my current vestibular issues?

[and, in googling for a photo of similar swim cap, I see that some people will PAY to own one -- I am decidedly NOT one of those people!]

rainy day blues and boosts

 We need the rain and it has been a nice slow off and on rain (and is forecast to continue another 24 hours).

News last night and today that Israel has begun yet another round of invasion into Gaza City -- and I've had this 'fear in my belly' all day for my friend there.  To have endured so SO much for so SO much of her life.  

And against the assassination here in the US of Charlie Kirk this past week and all the outrage and division that has rekindled, not the least of it by our so-called 'president', it is hard to imagine a world without ongoing Israel-Palestine, Republican-Democrat feuds and violent actions, retaliations, revenge.

How do we find an end? 

"Strive to be kind" (Where do you see that striving succeed when even the humanitarian aid can't get to those needing it, when our president fuels the vitriol? 

Typing these words may mean retaliation of some sort from the US government soon.  How bizarre does that sound, coming from the mouth and mind of a US-born 70-year-old citizen?

Yet even with all of this on my mind, I have smiled and laughed today, have had little privileged boosts in my world.  

I had a haircut.  [another post needed about haircuts and options]

I received new cotton blend socks (Amazon order) and have been wearing them comfortably for hours now.

Winston (our pet dog) has a new squeaky ball toy that kept him happy for hours and is the first one he has not yet broken the squeaker in.  

I was able to withdraw cash from one of my bank accounts (the one that my Etsy funds are auto-deposited in).

Warren and I ate out at a local Thai restaurant and each of us was pleased with the new items we tried.  [As we left said restaurant two ICE officials entered.]

I posted three new Etsy listings in my Tonglen Art shop today and had another new order come in.

I ordered a small gift for Warren today.

As I reflect on this short list of boosts, it 'screams' privilege in ways I too often do not appreciate.  So many of the 'taken for granted' privileges are in jeopardy or might be in jeopardy.  

Surreal is a word I use a lot more often these days.

blues, boosts, bluster, barometer = some of the 'B' words for today

developing discipline (daily journaling)

 It's not exactly procrastination.  I enjoy writing.  I don't enjoy typing as much, but it's not what stops me.  

Time management, prioritization, exhaustion -- these are what stops me.Co

Etsy orders, pressing flowers, walking the dog, meal preps, minimal housecleaning (white glove housekeeper I am NOT), checking Facebook (and Marketplace listings), daily rounds of physical therapy exercises, watching news, Wordle, Squaredle, Connections, Quordle, Strands, LetterBoxed and Lexulous (online puzzle games), other daily 'ritual behaviors' take up so much more of my day than I expect them to.

Whether it's age (70+) or vestibular migraine / Meniere's Disease symptoms or some other unknown cause, severe fatigue plagues me.  My body has been on a 'time for bed' near 8pm schedule for over a year now, and whenever I push that, I suffer.  

I have been wanting to prove that I can add a blog post daily here (and in other blogs I've tried to get and keep going), as well as a haiku or poem a day post and a pressed flower post. 

My vision issues make computer time uncomfortable most of the time (an additional challenge, but not a full-fledged excuse).

If you check the dates of posts here on Holly's HodgePodge (prior to today), you'll see that 'daily' is not an accurate adjective.  

I will keep trying until I can hopefully get on track and STAY on track.

~ ~ ~ today's question:

Who are important people in my life?  Why?  (family, work, friendships, hobby/art friendships/connections, neighbors, community involvement connections, school/college social media connections, health connections, vague connections, online connections that don't fit the rest of these named connections, TV characters?  characters from books? etc)

I'm not going to list my answers here as I do not want to insult anyone whom I might forget to include!

Today I mailed (USPS) two Etsy orders, a package (surprise 'no real reason' gifts) to one of my brothers and his wife, and a Marketplace sales item to a customer who paid extra for me to ship a book (Jane Eyre, an edition with special faceplate engravings and cover), and membership fee to a local arts council. 

The first answers that popped into my head were daughter and son-in-law, then a few especial friends, then husband and dog (Winston seems like a 'people' too). . . and then my mind went to the list you see above.  There are so many ways to feel 'connected' and to feel lonely or isolated. 

My mind goes to friends suffering because of the wars in Gaza and Ukraine, and then I revisit the above thoughts and how isolated and different their lives are. . . 

[no photo today -- will anyone read these without photos or video or recordings?  I do add photos to Facebook or Instagram or Etsy nearly every day.]

Journal prompt: haiku your day

 I have several books and email lists that provide journal prompts.  Some are 365 day journals, with a new prompt each day, some are weekly email prompts, some are calendars.  

One of them today suggested that I write a haiku about my day.

September 11, 2025

Remembering hurts.
24 years, nothing learned?
Too many dead, dying. . . 

or:

news blitz, fried brain cells
presidential medals (barf)
despicably wrong

or:

Today I was asked:
What do you tell your children
when they ask, "Why?"

or:

...and I press flowers, 
plan turkey pot pie dinner
raindrops muddle thoughts

or:

candlelight shadows
helplessness looms over all
laden with grief

Peacocks?

 Imagine hearing someone say the following words (speak them aloud)

“Binge The Paper on Peacock!”

Huh!???   

I saw this sentence glancing at the TV screen and did a doubletake.  

It took me a minute to note the capital letters and study the images behind the text to puzzle out what this meant.

Then I laughed out loud, thinking about how crazy it can feel to try and understand a language other than your native one.

You are probably familiar with peacock, the bird.

You may have heard of Peacock, the TV streaming service.

You may be familiar with (I don't watch many TV shows, so I was not familiar with The Paper, a new sitcom, a sort of spinoff of The Office. 

sitcom (situation comedy)

You may be more familiar with binge-watching TV shows than I am.  [I find it challenging to sit through a 2.5 hour movie, let alone hours of one show's episodes.]

Binge as a verb is usually used in reference to food or beverages or drugs, but has now become an accepted verb to refer to excessive TV watching too (especially when you watch one series of episodes or original film and sequels in one hours-long stretch of time).

But once you 'get' the alternate meanings behind "binge" and "the paper" and "peacock" the sentence makes a lot more sense!

Binge The Paper on Peacock!

Life in 2025!   Vocabulary twists!

So, do you plan to binge-watch The Paper?