haiku:                                 [title:    the wound]

tethered me tighter
sudden windstorm; leaves clinging
diagnosing strength

a response haiku to Patti Digh's post: 

https://open.substack.com/pub/pattidigh/p/you-suffer-for-as-long-as-you-decide

How do they do it?

 This will be a 'connect the dots' post -- 

I have had a shop on Etsy for going on six years now, approximately 600 sales, many five-star reviews from happy customers. 

Over the past two days I received both five-star reviews and TWO negative reviews.  Not what I ever want to see.

This week I received a rather rude (my opinion) three-star review from a customer who had advance photos of exactly which flowers she was to receive, and she approved that selection prior to my shipping the order.  Included in the order were over 15 different types of flowers.  The negative review included a photo of ONE kind and color of those flowers, saying they just weren't "pretty".  Ironically, the very flowers she disliked are among my favorites.  She doesn't have to like them, but had the opportunity to exchange them, and certainly had ample enough alternates to work with.
Disappointing.

But the other ONE-star review was from a repeat customer!  My heart sank and it felt like a big rock filled my lungs.  Ouch!  The wording of this review was much kinder.  The product arrived in poor condition -- was not packed with my usual care.   I reached out, offered replacement or refund, came to an agreement, and the review was edited, the rating was altered to a three-star review (fair enough) and a very kind additional comment was added.
This I can live with.  Fair. 

I can also guarantee it will be a long time, if ever, that I put a future order in the mail without a double/triple check! 

Several hours later I am still feeling deflated, defeated, down on myself.

I titled this post, "How do they do it?" because two groups of 'they' have been on my mind.   The first group would be politicians, who must feel rankled by unfair commentary and outright insults (not to mention lies) that are tossed in their direction frequently.  Especially in our current political environment.  

The second 'they' that occurred to me is middle- and high-school educators.  I tried teaching middle school (and subbed in high schools) and there were many days where I came home with a similar sickening feeling in my body, feelings coming from the 'failures' I felt at my ineptness at having what it takes to endure teaching middle-schoolers.  My heart and intentions were in the right place, my training strong, my ideas rampant, but oh, my it takes a lot to survive a day as an involved middle-school educator 'teaching' 7 class periods a day.  

A dear prior colleague of mine, Gary Carkin, was known to cheer us from the sidelines, often signing his emails, "Onward, Ho!" 

So, Onward Ho! I shall go, striving for more merited five-star reviews.

And please may it be true that I never see another one-star review with my name on it!

ear pop, memory surge (Aunt Dee)

 Early this morning I awoke from an unpleasant dream and with an "I don't feel so well" prolonged sense of vertigo movement (even though I was laying still).

By now I know this means I won't be able to close my eyes again (the vertigo intensifies when I do) and that I should arise s-l-o-w-l-y, drink two glasses of water, and then sit somewhere until the feeling subsides (sipping more water).

I did this, sat in the living room with a light on, trying to stay awake, unable to close my eyes for more than a few seconds, for an hour or so.

Then I stood and tried doing a few of the vestibular PT exercises I know.  The fullness in my left ear was intense, and the tinnitus increasingly obnoxious.

One of the exercises is to stretch my mouth (chin level with the floor, dropping my jaw as if I were yawning widely, holding it for a few seconds, then slowly closing again).  This usually results in a bone 'pop' on one or both sides of my jaw the first few times, and sometimes this 'popping' sound diminishes or stops as I repeat the exercise.

Well, today there was a louder than usual pop, and a secondary 'pop sensation' (as if a big bubble had popped) in my left ear, and then the 'sound'/feeling as if I were deep underwater, hearing that underwater hum.

This was accompanied by an immediate smell sensation -- and I rocketed back sixty-some years to my childhood self, putting on one of those nasty-smelling tight-fitting swim caps I was forced to wear to cover my hair in swim class, and the vision of my dear Aunt Dee (not my real blood-relative aunt, but very dear to me) at the side of the pool where I took swimming lessons!

I could smell that cap, smell the chlorine of the pool, see the lane markings in the bottom of the pool, see and 'hear' Aunt Dee, remember the fear/terror of wondering if I'd reach the surface of the water in time to breathe -- a very rich and STRONG memory (one I don't think I've consciously visited in over 30 years!). . . and all of that, instantaneously, when that fullness in my ear popped.

Wild!

Could it possibly have any relationship to my current vestibular issues?

[and, in googling for a photo of similar swim cap, I see that some people will PAY to own one -- I am decidedly NOT one of those people!]

rainy day blues and boosts

 We need the rain and it has been a nice slow off and on rain (and is forecast to continue another 24 hours).

News last night and today that Israel has begun yet another round of invasion into Gaza City -- and I've had this 'fear in my belly' all day for my friend there.  To have endured so SO much for so SO much of her life.  

And against the assassination here in the US of Charlie Kirk this past week and all the outrage and division that has rekindled, not the least of it by our so-called 'president', it is hard to imagine a world without ongoing Israel-Palestine, Republican-Democrat feuds and violent actions, retaliations, revenge.

How do we find an end? 

"Strive to be kind" (Where do you see that striving succeed when even the humanitarian aid can't get to those needing it, when our president fuels the vitriol? 

Typing these words may mean retaliation of some sort from the US government soon.  How bizarre does that sound, coming from the mouth and mind of a US-born 70-year-old citizen?

Yet even with all of this on my mind, I have smiled and laughed today, have had little privileged boosts in my world.  

I had a haircut.  [another post needed about haircuts and options]

I received new cotton blend socks (Amazon order) and have been wearing them comfortably for hours now.

Winston (our pet dog) has a new squeaky ball toy that kept him happy for hours and is the first one he has not yet broken the squeaker in.  

I was able to withdraw cash from one of my bank accounts (the one that my Etsy funds are auto-deposited in).

Warren and I ate out at a local Thai restaurant and each of us was pleased with the new items we tried.  [As we left said restaurant two ICE officials entered.]

I posted three new Etsy listings in my Tonglen Art shop today and had another new order come in.

I ordered a small gift for Warren today.

As I reflect on this short list of boosts, it 'screams' privilege in ways I too often do not appreciate.  So many of the 'taken for granted' privileges are in jeopardy or might be in jeopardy.  

Surreal is a word I use a lot more often these days.

blues, boosts, bluster, barometer = some of the 'B' words for today

developing discipline (daily journaling)

 It's not exactly procrastination.  I enjoy writing.  I don't enjoy typing as much, but it's not what stops me.  

Time management, prioritization, exhaustion -- these are what stops me.Co

Etsy orders, pressing flowers, walking the dog, meal preps, minimal housecleaning (white glove housekeeper I am NOT), checking Facebook (and Marketplace listings), daily rounds of physical therapy exercises, watching news, Wordle, Squaredle, Connections, Quordle, Strands, LetterBoxed and Lexulous (online puzzle games), other daily 'ritual behaviors' take up so much more of my day than I expect them to.

Whether it's age (70+) or vestibular migraine / Meniere's Disease symptoms or some other unknown cause, severe fatigue plagues me.  My body has been on a 'time for bed' near 8pm schedule for over a year now, and whenever I push that, I suffer.  

I have been wanting to prove that I can add a blog post daily here (and in other blogs I've tried to get and keep going), as well as a haiku or poem a day post and a pressed flower post. 

My vision issues make computer time uncomfortable most of the time (an additional challenge, but not a full-fledged excuse).

If you check the dates of posts here on Holly's HodgePodge (prior to today), you'll see that 'daily' is not an accurate adjective.  

I will keep trying until I can hopefully get on track and STAY on track.

~ ~ ~ today's question:

Who are important people in my life?  Why?  (family, work, friendships, hobby/art friendships/connections, neighbors, community involvement connections, school/college social media connections, health connections, vague connections, online connections that don't fit the rest of these named connections, TV characters?  characters from books? etc)

I'm not going to list my answers here as I do not want to insult anyone whom I might forget to include!

Today I mailed (USPS) two Etsy orders, a package (surprise 'no real reason' gifts) to one of my brothers and his wife, and a Marketplace sales item to a customer who paid extra for me to ship a book (Jane Eyre, an edition with special faceplate engravings and cover), and membership fee to a local arts council. 

The first answers that popped into my head were daughter and son-in-law, then a few especial friends, then husband and dog (Winston seems like a 'people' too). . . and then my mind went to the list you see above.  There are so many ways to feel 'connected' and to feel lonely or isolated. 

My mind goes to friends suffering because of the wars in Gaza and Ukraine, and then I revisit the above thoughts and how isolated and different their lives are. . . 

[no photo today -- will anyone read these without photos or video or recordings?  I do add photos to Facebook or Instagram or Etsy nearly every day.]

Journal prompt: haiku your day

 I have several books and email lists that provide journal prompts.  Some are 365 day journals, with a new prompt each day, some are weekly email prompts, some are calendars.  

One of them today suggested that I write a haiku about my day.

September 11, 2025

Remembering hurts.
24 years, nothing learned?
Too many dead, dying. . . 

or:

news blitz, fried brain cells
presidential medals (barf)
despicably wrong

or:

Today I was asked:
What do you tell your children
when they ask, "Why?"

or:

...and I press flowers, 
plan turkey pot pie dinner
raindrops muddle thoughts

or:

candlelight shadows
helplessness looms over all
laden with grief

Peacocks?

 Imagine hearing someone say the following words (speak them aloud)

“Binge The Paper on Peacock!”

Huh!???   

I saw this sentence glancing at the TV screen and did a doubletake.  

It took me a minute to note the capital letters and study the images behind the text to puzzle out what this meant.

Then I laughed out loud, thinking about how crazy it can feel to try and understand a language other than your native one.

You are probably familiar with peacock, the bird.

You may have heard of Peacock, the TV streaming service.

You may be familiar with (I don't watch many TV shows, so I was not familiar with The Paper, a new sitcom, a sort of spinoff of The Office. 

sitcom (situation comedy)

You may be more familiar with binge-watching TV shows than I am.  [I find it challenging to sit through a 2.5 hour movie, let alone hours of one show's episodes.]

Binge as a verb is usually used in reference to food or beverages or drugs, but has now become an accepted verb to refer to excessive TV watching too (especially when you watch one series of episodes or original film and sequels in one hours-long stretch of time).

But once you 'get' the alternate meanings behind "binge" and "the paper" and "peacock" the sentence makes a lot more sense!

Binge The Paper on Peacock!

Life in 2025!   Vocabulary twists!

So, do you plan to binge-watch The Paper?

______ the street

 Are you streetwise?

___ the street 

Do you live up the street?   

Do you live down the street?

Which street do you live on?

Have you ever traveled under a street?

Have you ever driven over a street?

Have you ever driven on an empty street? (How can that possibly make sense?)

Do you park on or off a street?

If you are walking along a street, would you say you are in that street or on that street?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The English language can be a bit confusing sometimes, even with what seem like 'simple' sentences.

There are many songs written about streets.  Do you have a favorite?

https://www.ranker.com/list/the-best-songs-with-street-in-the-title/ranker-music

seed-saving

 haiku:

seed-saving harvest
14-plus sorts (and counting!)
*anticipation!*

1. jewelweed / Impatiens capensis

2. wild hibiscus / Hibiscus trionum

3. zinnia / Zinnia

4. blanket flower / Gaillardia pulchella

5. perennial sunflower / Maximilian

6. morning glory / Ipomoea

7. spider flowers / Cleome

8. brown-eyed susan / Rudbeckia triloba

9.  sneezeweed / Helenium

10. balsam / Impatiens balsamina

11. butterfly weed / Asclepias tuberosa

12. Mexican sunflower / Tithonia

13. spiderwort / tradescantia

14. wild Mexican poinsettia plant / Euphorbia pulcherrima

...and SO many more!  

preserving a wedding bouquet

 

This was framed and shipped today, to the mother of the bride.  I hope she will enjoy reliving the special day her first daughter was married.  Her daughter surprised her Mom at the wedding reception by announcing that she was gifting her bouquet to her Mom (since it was so unfair that among the many wedding traditions, there are NONE especially for the mother of the bride) AND she was having it pressed and framed as a keepsake.

Initially I had encouraged the bride to seek someone else, a pressed flower artisan who specialized in preserving bridal bouquets.  I explained how most such artists will use colorization, enhancing the flowers to try and keep some permanence to the original colors.  My preference is for 'all natural' and appreciating the flowers in whatever state they decide to change to, that I chose NOT to colorize.  Further, I noted that many of the flowers in her bouquet were among the more challenging to press successfully.   

Then I sent the bride her wedding gifts from my husband and I (I watched this bride grow up, living next door to her for most of her formative  years, having babysat her a few times).   Among the gifts we sent her were two pressed flower designs I had made.  When she saw them, she asked if I would please reconsider and press her bridal bouquet for her, for her mom.

Many of the flowers in her bouquet needed to be pressed petal by petal, then reconstructed.  Some just did not press well for me.  Three of the roses lost their color rather rapidly.  The rose petals were very large, and so different techniques are used to reconstruct smaller-looking roses.  The salal leaves press okay, but are prettiest bottom-side up after pressing.  Some of the petals dried and pressed to a very sheer glossy white.  It was a challenge!

Here are a couple of photos showing some of the planning, thinking that went into the layout:

Though I do not use colorization, I did use mylar tape along the edges and back to try and keep out more humidity and help delay the fading process.

Hanging this out of direct sunlight helps too (I did not use conservation glass, so no UV protection in the acrylic covering).  The bride chose the frame and I did the best I knew how with what I had to work with.  This frame was not suitable for vacuum sealing (which is another technique I need a lot more practice with).  

Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to see this piece now and again in the months and years to come, and can assess firsthand how well or awful my work holds up.  

I began my foray into pressing flowers and trying pressed flower art projects in late 2018, and am still frequently surprised by how much I had to learn.  Having owned a retail floral shop for several years (and was the buyer and lead designer for) and having worked for a handful of other florists, I thought I knew a fair amount about flowers.  As with so many endeavors, often there is a LOT more to learn!  Luckily, there is much joy in the learning.

What would you think you would have done if this had happened to you?

 Back in the 1970s (a LONG time ago!), Warren was working for a large tax preparation firm.  

 When we announced our engagement, his boss and boss's wife (who also worked for the firm sometimes) were quite excited for us.

 A few weeks after our wedding, they traveled to Florida.  They came back with a large load of lawn ornaments that they loved.  As a wedding gift, they drove to our house and dropped off (I was not there) our gift -- 

One huge bright red, bright orange, bright white swirly patterned outdoor fountain sculpture that stood about 4 foot tall.   It is hard to describe, but if you know what ribbon candy looks like, this looked like huge ribbon candies curving out all around, and tiered.  They placed it in our front yard where they thought it looked lovely.  

Sort of like this idea, but in BRIGHT erratic swirls of orange, red, white.

If you know me well at all, you know that a favorite color of mine is soft green, also soft yellow (and sometimes soft purples/lavenders).  CLASH!

I arrived home from work and Warren explained that this was our wedding gift from his boss, hand-delivered with gusto!   

HELP!  

Was our marriage to be over before a month was up?   [We lived together for over two years before we married, bought our first home soon thereafter.]

What to do?  "It's my BOSS" was Warren's refrain.  

They lived only a few blocks from us, so it wasn't like we could 'pretend' we still had it and just pawn it off on someone else. 

But there was absolutely NO WAY that thing was going to stay in our front yard, well-intentioned as it might be.

We 'slept on it' and came up with a plan --  we would tell them that it was simply too large for our front yard (truth) and we were so sorry but we were really not comfortable with it there.  AWKWARD.  

Can you guess what happened next?   Would you have done something differently? 

In any case, our plan backfired.   Lawn ornaments are really not our thing at all.  Handmade art or natural driftwood (lots of that in our yard today), yes.  But these painted garish-colored things are just not 'us' at all.

Anyway, back to the story. . . 

A few days later, I arrived home to see a veritable parade of much smaller lawn ornaments to replace the fountain! ! !  I remember there was a gnome, a rabbit, a turtle, a mouse family, a squirrel (the squirrel was fairly natural and the only one I liked, and it did sit proudly on our mailbox support frame/bar for many years). 

So... the squirrel went in the front yard and we hid the rest of them here and there in the back and side yards, much less visibly.  

And I wrote what is probably the most effusive LIE of a thank you note to his boss and boss's wife.

We have since moved a few times and no longer have any of the above-referenced mementos.

Entrance

 Entrance

My guess is that most of you, when you see/read/speak the word entrance, are thinking of a noun, speaking with first syllable stress.

A door (physical entranceway) or a grand entrance (manner of someone coming through an entranceway).  

The other day, playing a game of NYT Connections, I encountered the word entrance used as a verb, pronounced with second syllable stress.  It had been quite some time since I'd thought of entrance/entranced as a verb.  My mind immediately thought of fairy tales, spells, magical experiences, to be mesmerized by someone or something.

The two very different meanings of the same word, and the fact that the word entrance starts with an E and contains a T, made me think of the word etymology and made me think about the etymology of entrance (noun) and entrance (verb).

All of this reminded me of my years teaching English to speakers of other languages and how often the phrase "crazy English" was heard over confusions such as entrance/entrance, syllable stress, definitions.

I also recalled the many pleasurable hours I spent in Penfield Library at SUNY Oswego exploring the thick volume set of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED).

Does your brain do this to you too, sometimes, stirring up multiple memories from the reading of one little word?

close your eyes and ~

 I am now 70 years old.  Many times in my life I've heard the expression, been given the suggestion to close my eyes and _________.  Usually the blank would be ...imagine you are _____ and about to enter ___________.   [and then you are asked to describe the ideas that came to mind. 

 Today I overheard, "Close your eyes and pretend you are ten years old, on your bike.  Where are you going?  What will your adventure be?"

 But when I close my eyes these days, I immediately lose my balance and lean or fall to my left side.  So I try not to close my eyes unless I'm safely seated or lying down. 

 I do, however, have a reasonable imagination, so I can pretend to be ten years old and in fourth grade (Mrs. Schmidt's class).   I LOVE to read, so I would have a book or two in my bicycle basket, and be riding up the long driveway of the farm I live on, around the shed, down toward Grandma's house, but then take a turn to park my bike near the creek bridge.  

From there I'd look around to be sure no one was seeing me, hide my bike behind shrubbery, grab one of my books, and walk down to the end of the little peninsula there, keeping an eye out for the 'turtle log' (one particular log where my brothers and I often spied one or two turtles hanging out), and then to my favorite reading spot near the end of the peninsula. 

I find myself wondering now how long that peninsula truly was.  The beautiful farmland I grew up on has long since been developed with several commercial properties (medical office buildings, a Hilton Inn, Home Depot, YUCK).  The little one-lane creek bridge is long gone, replaced with a wider stronger bridge that surely overtook a fair share of the peninsula I recall. 

...

I'll stop here, but will ask you what comes to your mind as I ask you to "Close your eyes and pretend you are ten years old, on your bike.  Where are you going?  What will your adventure be?"

Moonlight

 Moonlight.

Speak the word out loud.  Whisper it.  Feel the way your mouth stretches, the ways your lips, tongue teeth move as you speak the word:  moonlight.

Walking in the moonlight / Staring at a full moon / crescent moon / once in a blue moon / Basking in the light of the moon / honeymoon / moonshine / moonlit / moonbeam / (to be) over the moon / to moon (to moon over someone or something, moon as a verb) / moonstruck

When you think of the moon, of moonlight, do your thoughts lean toward the positive or negative?  Do you know why this is so?

[moonstone egg in this photo]

I've always been a bit afraid of the dark, so the extra light given by a full moon is a draw for me, beckoning me outdoors more than on darker evenings.

Today I read a poem about a recent bright moon, written as a sort of conversation with the moon.  Have you ever talked with the moon?  Do you perceive of the moon as more female or male (or neither)? 

Writing Prompt #1

I will be adding writing prompts fairly frequently.  It is one of my favorite ways to start 'writing time'. 

"Thank you for the umbrella."

Imagine you were given this prompt and asked to build a story around it (real or imagined).  

Who / What / When / Where / Why / How / How often / How many / How much

Most of us have 'umbrella stories' (memories).

Were you ever given or loaned an umbrella when you were caught in a rain shower and didn't have your umbrella with you?  

Have you ever given one to someone?

When I think of how I might answer this question, many ideas come to mind:

a child and an adult stranger

two teenagers

two women, two men, a woman and a man

romantic interest/element?

the 'yellow duck' umbrella I took to Korea and LOVED, and lost and have been looking to replace ever since

favorite umbrellas

kinds of umbrellas

the alleyways I have seen photos of, where arrays of opened umbrellas form a colorful canopy above outdoor cafe tables

famous / well-known artworks featuring umbrellas 

What time of day should it be?  

children's alphabet books (U for umbrella)

words like huddled, dashed, drenched, raindrops, puddles, splish/splash/sploosh, collapsible, wind, inside-out, parasol, bumbershoot

There is a lot that could come from this writing prompt! 

What came to your mind? 

If you care to, reply with a photo that helps tell your story or that you think best fits this prompt.  

H is for ______

One of my favorite ways to start a poem is to either choose one letter of the alphabet and make a list of words, collocations, phrases that pop into my head that start with that letter, OR to write the alphabet in a column, and then go back to A and write 3 or more words/phrases for each letter.

 Today I came across a list of words that start with the letter H, a list I made earlier this year as my 70th birthday was approaching.  I tried to make a list of nouns. 

This was what I had come up with:

1. haiku
2. handbag
3. hall
4. hail
5. halo
6. hummus
7. helianthus 
8. helenium
9. heliotrope
10. hypericum
11. hedychium (ginger)
12. hibiscus
13. hydrangea
14. holly
15. hamamelis (witch hazel)
16. health
17. hobby
18. hazel
19. heart
20. help
21. hand-me-down
22. hanger
23. hour
24. hair
25. hedge
26. helium
27. herb
28. honey
29. history
30. hope
31. hospitality
32. hospital
33. hint
34. humor
35. history
36. heather
37. hepatica
38. hosta
39. hyacinth
40. hyssop
41. heath
42. hellebore
43. hollyhock
44. heuchera
45. hike
46. hug
47. hoop
48. horticulture
49. haircut
50. henna
51. hazel
52. hazelnut
53. happiness
54. handiwork
55. houseplants
56. hackberry
57. handsewn something
58. hand
59. handkerchief
60. hillbilly
61. homeroom
62. hum
63. hummingbird
64. hunch
65. hurt
66. heaven
67. hell
68. hearing
69. hacksaw
70. hat

So, if you were here, I'd ask you to tell me a story, something that came to mind as you read through or heard my list read aloud.

an 'H' Haiku:

Hell hath no fury (...)  
   hissing, harassing, hyper!
      hum halos of hope 

[I will grant you this is an odd haiku, but I bet reading it brings images to your mind!]

The H tree:

pronunciation puzzles

 "What an adorable dog!"  spoken quickly might sound like, "What a durable dog!" or "What (i)n door bell(bull)(ball)(bill) dog!"  WHY?   

Try sounding these out slowly.  

Natural speech of casual language often involves dropping final consonants, not enunciating all syllables, linking words together (making two or three words sound as if they were one word).

The 'schwa' sound is often used to mask syllables that might be heard differently if more attention was given to 'proper' pronunciation.

When we LEARN a language, we learn individual words and their proper pronunciation.  When we LISTEN to sentences in a language we are learning, even if we are looking at the WRITTEN words, it can be challenging!

adorable (a dor a ble, 4 syllables) is often pronounced with only 3 syllables, or even 2.  

'door' is a very common word and the second syllable in adorable might sound like 'door' to your ears.

'door'/'dor' might also sound like the 'dur' in the word 'durable'.

'ble' (final syllable) may be pronounced with an unclear schwa-like vowel, so you might not be sure if someone says/said "ball" or "bell" or "bill" or "bull" (also common words).

When you stop to examine this sentence, it's easier to understand why non-native listeners might have a difficult time following/comprehending a conversation!  

Winston!

Two minutes

Grab a pencil or a keyboard.  

Set a timer for two minutes.

Write/Type as many words as pop into your head that start with the LAST letter of your FIRST name.

Go!

Y

yell

yellow

yolk

yours

you

your

yang

yak

yakkety-yak

year

yeah/yea/yes

yesterday

yep

yick

yuck

yip

yessir

yin

yore

youth

young

youch

This is as far as I got, and many of these aren't true words!  

Holly 

How did you do?

Meniere's Disease, Vestibular Migraine, Health journey

 When illness strikes suddenly and then persists, without proper diagnosis, without long term help/easing, and becomes a chronic condition that becomes life-changing... 

My foray into this unwelcome land began April 2023 and persists today.

Here is some background of my journey:

Vertigo sent me weaving/swaying to the ground, shortly followed by projectile vomiting, gross. I was unable to sit up or stand up for nearly half an hour. This was followed by 2 to 3 days of severe fatigue, and most unfortunately, additional 'episodes'.

The Epley Maneuver that so many of my friends (and my mom) learned to prevent their vertigo did nothing for me.

Months of tests ensued, visits with 2 ENTs, a search for a vestibular therapist, a guess of probable Meniere's Disease, possibly Vestibular Migraine was given.

The vomiting was helped with Zofran (Odansetron) prescription (nasty side effects, but it does usually stop the vomiting).

Meclizine prescribed for vertigo.

Sleep apnea also present. Couldn't handle CPAP. Major surgery on my nose (4 operations to correct internal issues March 2024) allows me to sleep better.

Severe fatigue and tinnitus and balance issues persisted.

Vestibular PT helped after a few months (went twice a week for several months, still do several PT exercises at home daily).

Vision issues developed -- double vision, large floaters, eye fatigue.

My vision issues are complex. My ophthalmologist sent me to a specialist. 8+ months of vision therapy has helped my double vision (so now daily vision PT exercises added to daily vestibular PT exercises). I now juggle 3 or 4 pairs of glasses back and forth all day long -- near vision, prism lenses for far vision, Avulux wear-over glasses all day long indoors, wear-over polarized sunglasses outdoors. I keep curtains closed and can no longer enjoy bright days outdoors or in.

I am told the increased vision challenges, light sensitivity, and extreme sound sensitivity are the reasons that Vestibular Migraine is my most likely strongest diagnosis now. [Even though I rarely have headaches, and none that would fit the 'migraine' description as compared with migraine sufferers. But vestibular migraine sufferers often report no headaches; go figure.]

The vision issues along with new sound sensitivity and light sensitivity increased, as well as tinnitus that is sometimes a daily hell of about 6 out of 10, sometimes only a 1 or 2 on a scale of 10. On the worst days, 8 or 9 out of 10. Barometric pressure seems to be a factor. Late afternoon often the worst tinnitus. If I don't get to bed by 8 to 9 pm, I am a mess the next day. If I have an exceptionally busy day, I suffer severe fatigue for one to two days afterward. Newest ENT thinks Meniere's Disease morphed/is morphing into Vestibular Migraine.

NECK pain developed in intensity and frequency. Chiropractor (I am trying chiropractic treatments for the first time in my life this summer) is helping a little.
My symptoms have not yet aligned clearly with any definitive diagnosis or treatment plan.

I no longer drive (3 years now). I can't tolerate loud noises, wear BOSE Quiet Comfort noise-canceling headset or concert earplugs when someone is washing dishes or vacuuming or has the radio on (or I leave the area).

I gave up music.! Once in awhile I can tolerate a few songs (for whatever reason, Tracy Chapman's voice, using my SHOKZ bone-conduction headset on the lowest possible volume setting is sometimes tolerable. Most of my favorite music from the past is no longer pleasurable to listen to even on the lowest possible volume.) My phone is on the lowest possible setting and it's too loud. I adjust the brightness levels lower frequently. I avoid stores. I avoid crowds.

What I thought would be my retirement pastimes are all proving to be difficult challenges.

Yeah. Life-changing. Constant adjustments. Foregoing so many outings and activities that I thought my life would be full of. I missed my 50th high school reunion, as well as my husband's. I tried to attend a wedding reception and had to leave within 5 minutes of the band/DJ starting.

My son-in-law is a sound engineer for the US Army Band, Pershing's Own, and I have not seen him in action (haven't attended a concert) for 3 years now.

Life-changing. Certainly there are many others suffering far worse, but as it is said, "pain is relative" / "grieving is different for each of us" and so on. I am learning to adapt, learning to let go, not always liking myself for how I am dealing with this journey.

Random oddities that have been informative/helpful reminders along my journey include:

Water: as soon as ANY symptoms appear, I drink 2 to 3 glasses of water. I drink LOTS of water, more than seems normal. Every day.

Tongue! I had no idea (vestibular therapist taught me this) that the position of your tongue while resting was very very wrong when I was first diagnosed, and when anxiety builds or episodes recur, I pay attention (my tongue tends to 'lock' behind my bottom teeth instead of resting loosely behind and not touching my top teeth).

Core! Posture! The more I do to improve my core strength, the weaker my symptoms are.

Posture... just this week chiropractor mentioned that she thought my face was resting back a little farther, closer to where the alignment should be. What??? This was the first this had been mentioned to me, but your a lot of my neck pain may come from this, so now I try to adjust/check several times a day. Did you know that your ear holes should line up with the center of shoulder seams? Mine are about 2 inches off, aligning with my clavicle. I have to look in a mirror and put my hands on my shoulders to hold them still and really focus to push my face/head back so that the alignment is better.

[There are many images online to illustrate correct posture alignment -- chin flat/level with the floor, ear holes aligned with center shoulder seams, shoulders back (touching the wall if you are standing against a wall), and so on]

align ear holes, chin up so level/flat with floor, shoulders back, tongue where it should be, breathe. . . 

Breathe.  

I'm still trying to learn how to be content with these new life restrictions. It is hard for friends to understand why I say no to so many invitations. Many occasions my husband will go/attend without me. Some outings are failures, but some prove enjoyable. It is hard. It is hard for family and friends too.

I try to push myself to try new volunteer commitments. Because I'm not driving, I try to find something close to home so it's not too much of a burden for Warren to drive me to and fro. Giving to others helps me focus less on my gripes. Some endeavors work for awhile, others longer.

Not being able to 'bobble-head' (bend over repeatedly, or move my head to look side to side) without vertigo/losing my balance) means I can't garden as I used to, can't do pressed flower art as I used to, can't read as I used to, can't handle Zoom sessions as I used to (I taught online, full time, for over 10 years. That's impossible for me now). Life is different.

There are ways to adapt if one is creative, and luckily that's an attribute frequently used to describe me.

My best wishes to all struggling through something similar, or struggling in a different way, and I hope something in this long post proves helpful.

H flowers

 Flowers that start with the first letter of your first name?

Below is a list of flowers/foliage I have grown (or am growing now), and/or have pressed, that start with H

(H for Holly), in random order:

1. holly leaves 
2. Hepatica
3. Hyacinths
4. Hollyhocks
5. Heather
6. Hyssop
7. Hellebores (Lenten rose)
8. Hosta
9. Heuchera (coral bells)
10. Hibiscus (several kinds)
11. Herbs (several!)
12. Hydrangea
13. Helenium (sneezeweed)
14. Helianthus (sunflowers)
15. Hamamelis (witchhazel)
16. Heliopsis 
17. Honeysuckle

I'm sure there are more, but this is a fair list. 

The photo below shows a few different hibiscus petals and blossoms:

haiku from 3 random words

 3 words drawn from magnetic nouns/verbs:

spider

family

laughed

These are to inspire me to write a haiku:

 willow tree torment 
family laughs following
caterpillar squish

So this is where my head went with the words 'family' and 'laughed':

One of my frequently recalled unpleasant childhood memory (memories--this happened multiple times).  

Family at the time = two older brothers (Tom and Scott).  Mark would have been too young.   Dad at work.  Mom at home.  

Not spiders, or a spider, but black caterpillars (Eastern tent caterpillars) were seasonal visitors to our front yard weeping willow tree.  My brothers and I played under that tree often.  My brothers found great joy in sneakily placing a caterpillar on my left shoulder, toward the back, out of my peripheral vision.  Inevitably I would reach back with my right hand and slap at the sensation.  This would result in a disgusting squished caterpillar.  I detested those caterpillars, finding them gross.  Seeing their guts on my fingers made me want to retch!  It made my brothers cackle with delight.  

If I ran to find mom and complain (tattle), she would guffaw with delight too, siding with my brothers at their great prank, and telling me to toughen up.

I have never intentionally placed a caterpillar anywhere but in the open ready palm or on the bare and ready forearm of an interested and willing child or friend.  I still do not find my brothers' prank funny.  Likely I never will.  

[This is one of the reasons my family used to remind me that I had no sense of humor.]  

Blog goals 2025

 Spent a few hours today copying over old posts (2010 onward, maybe some older than that?) to emails to myself so that I can slowly work to copy them over (reformatted, edited, reviewed) here as individual posts.  

HOPING I can get myself in a dedicated groove of posting at LEAST one post a day.

I have notebooks and boxes full of items I want to convert to blog material -- 

hoping 2025 and 2026 will be when those boxes become digital and are recycled or burned (less 'detritus' for Warren or Amber to deal with)

string of beads

 "A string is needed to gather scattered beads."   

How do you interpret the intended meaning of the above Somali proverb?

What real-life example might match your interpretation?

Literally, a string with a knot on one end and a needle on the other might be an excellent way to gather scattered beads. 

Figuratively?  A journal to gather scattered thoughts?  A meeting template / agenda to guide discussion meetings?  A whistle to gather children as the end of a recess period approaches?

Poem by a friend

 A Message to Be delivered

Tell the night to bury me
Among its waves of fire and fear
The morning seems impossible
It has never been near

Tell the hunger to bite me
Between its sharp teeth
The food is an illusion
I will eat and survive beneath

Tell the explosions to blow me up
Shatter me into pieces
Of delayed dreams and hopes
I'm dead alive in all cases

Tell the world to be ashamed
Dancing on the melodies of our pain
Acting deaf, blind and dumb
The war won't stop here; it's a chain

Blackmatta... From Gaza City/Palestine

[This poem is shared by request and permission by a many-years online  acquaintance/friend, via Ning, Skype, Zoom, Poetry, Facebook, Email, and other platforms and exchanges.] 

Tales from Around the World

 Memory Lane!

I don't know how many of the links will still work from this old blog, but in 2008 I recorded monthly TV shows for a Charlottesville Public TV channel! 

https://tales-around-the-world.blogspot.com/

LEWWWP!

 Oh, the memories!  ClustrMap have given me many smiles over the years.  The image shown is from many years ago and shows (red dots) where viewers and participants of the LEWWWP website I created and facilitated for several years logged in from. 

LEWWWP = Learn English With a WorldWide Perspective 

It remains one of the accomplishments I most wish to be remembered for. 

More details about my adventures in attempts to help other adults learn and become comfortable conversing in English in future posts. 

A second something I hope to be remembered for is my love of flowers, gifting fresh flower bouquets, (many posts will feature flowers) and my late in life dive into pressing flowers and pressed flower art (inspired by a visit to an art gallery in South Korea). 

A third something I hope to be remembered for is poetry (especially haiku and a few poems written in the 1980s when I finally found my voice in this genre). 

This blog should develop into a 'hodge-podge' of various topics and interests.  The goal is to add at least one post daily.   

Here we go with this post number ONE.